I cannot believe it is here.
A whole entire year over, and a new one to be born. I think Im supposed to plan or create some kind of plan for the year...so I will have some direction. My bestest friend said yesterday that she was planning her new horizons. I so admire and love her. She seems to always have it together. Even so, I know that even she has her moments of "Uh? really? Now what?" Those who fail to plan, plan to fail, she said. I so agree with that statement but unfortunately, I always lose sight of my plan before some other "thing" happens.....LIKE...potato, Squirrel....I saw a rock....How did I end up in Arizona???? That would possibly be me, however, no matter how great my plans in this life have been, I always seem to never quite make it. I dont say this to be whaawhaa.....but just matter-o-factually the way it is... I believe in my own heart that it is the way it is because it is supposed to be this way, and the "me" that has been formed would not necessarily be the "me" I am, if my plans had been attained. So this year Im going to take a different perspective and try to just relax.
Since I was a little girl, I have always felt I was never good enough. My hair wasnt pretty because I couldnt have a haircut, my dad didnt like the idea of us girls cutting our hair. I couldnt go certain places because it wasnt allowed. I thought I wasnt pretty, as the other girls were. I thought my grades were not good enough, though I ranked I believe 19th in my graduating class of 189 people...not quite top ten percent, but pretty darn close. When I married, I wanted babies so badly, the year we waited was torture. Then the children started coming and then...I wasnt measuring up. Especially when my oldest pulled the fire alarm during church services. He had to be taken out because he wanted to run up and down the isles of the church.....My house was never clean enough. OH and JOY school, the co op preschool that rotated from house to house with our preschool aged kids....lets not forget about that. My snack I sent never was as clever, my house was SOOOO never clean and my meals were burned. Then, guess what? The family I so dreamed of dissolved. Poof! Oh well, start that plan over again. This cycle continued .....Up until about 2007, I really honestly did worry about what OTHERS thought or measured me to be AS SUCH. In 2007 I started to get sick....and I had to realize what mattered most were things that could not be counted, changed or measured. Love mattered most.
One thing I never have had a problem with is knowing that GOD loved me. That I am specially and wonderfully made into a person that HE loves. I didnt realized how profound that was, until I heard Joseph*s Lullaby by MercyMe this year. I think it came out last year, but it just stunned me and made me realize how blind we are in this life, leading each other. Just think how much FAITH God had in Mary and Joseph, to send his only child to be born as an infant, helpless..... held, fed, changed, carried into Egypt and then out again, taught to walk, talk and read, write....all the things that mommy and daddys do. You cant "plan" how to parent a child. It just happens.
So this year Im just going to try to concentrating on keeping my path narrow, to love the LORD with all my heart, and that should spill over onto the path and goals that are righteous and true and kind, and what He wants for me. For God does have a PLAN for me. Even if I cant seem to stick to one. God is much bigger than religion, and Im not going to measure myself anymore as to the world's goals. Just be Rhea. The name that is lovingly called to me by my Savior. I know that nickname is what He knows me by.
Wouldnt it be wonderful if 2012 didnt finish...and the Savior came and took us home before 2013??? What an answer to prayer that would be!
God Bless everyone near and far and remember that its not the PLAN that will get you where you want to be, it is the intent that will keep you moving there.
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